the company you keep…

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spring. a time of renewal and growth. and like nature, i’ve been through both…big time. where to begin? i got a job. left a job. got a job. all in the course of less than 2 months. on the surface, the job i got was the perfect job. doing something i’m completely passionate about. working from home 2 days a week. easy commute. big bump in pay. because i was leaving a company i loved, i was very clear in the (count ’em) 4 interviews that the culture of the company (despite their noble mission) was very important to me. throughout the process, they assured me that they totally “got me” – that what i had was what they needed. that they were excited to let me do what i do. and so i jumped. i took the weekend off between gigs (i couldn’t wait to get started) and almost from the beginning, i knew i made a huge mistake.

why?

because words and people matter.

i won’t go into the gory details, but this place was the worst place i’ve ever worked (and i’ve worked at some doozies!). the environment they created was one of anxiety, paranoia, mistrust. their treatment of my coworkers (and eventually me) was unlike anything i’ve ever seen. part of me started looking for a job a week after i started. the other kept hoping i could make it work. i put my head down and tried to do what they hired me to do. i figured, the proof would be in the pudding, right?

wrong.

new ideas were discouraged. it was exhausting. and heartbreaking. i tried for awhile. tried to make change. tried to steer things in a different (and much needed) direction, but i was told to keep doing what they’d been doing.

and so, i left.

sometimes, you can’t fight the good fight. sometimes, you need to look around and realize that the odds are so against change that all you can do is surrender. sometimes, all you can do is help those around you and try to hold the door open as you all leave. sometimes, the beast is just too big to slay. sometimes, you just have to save yourself.

and so, i went back to a place where creativity, transparency and integrity mean something. and my return feels like a warm embrace.

i am ready to blossom.

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